Your 7 Step Guide to Dating a LGBTQIA+ Person

Step 1: Do not ask me what’s in my pants. As soon as you ask that, whatever is in here, is not coming anywhere near what’s in there.

Step 2: My gender is not me. My gender is only one part of my general awesomeness. So if you’re swiping right just to have that conversation about it and ask me what it is only to unmatch as soon as I fill your desire and quench your curiosity, let’s just not. Research is a thing people. Let’s. Do. It.

Step 3: My body is mine, and my relationship with it is not your relationship with it. You may like my breasts, and my curves, and my butt (to be fair, it is a nice butt), but it is not your place to convince me to like them. Your pleasures are not mine, your desires are not mine, and my relationship with my body is so much more complex than you can ever imagine.

Step 4: If you’re hitting like to tell me I’m sick, or should just go kill myself, don’t. You don’t know what you’re adding to, you dear, sweet cisgender, heterosexual white boy that messaged me that so sweetly one night as I imagined holding a knife to my wrist and ending it all.

Step 5: I am not the voice of my people. If you’re talking to me to get a crash course on LGBTQIA+ Folks 101, just save us both the time and move on. I do not hold the collective wisdom and experience of my community and the people that look like me. Step 2 says it all: Do. Your. Research. I am not required to answer your questions. I am not required to explain myself and my experiences and my life to you.

Step 6: My community is so much more than me. We are a diverse, beautiful group of different races, ethnicities, and religions. So stop all your preconceived notions and just open your mind already. LGBTQIA+ does not mean white, gay, middle class, cisgender boy. It does not meet slim, white, teen girls with shaved heads or short hair. It means indigenous LGBTQIA+ folks, it means Black trans women, it means people who identify as cisgender and/or heterosexual that practice polyamory, and it means gay Muslim men. We are diverse and we are beautiful.

Step 7: My body is not for your consumption. When we start talking, us having sex is not implied; threesomes are not the go to option. I am not here to spice up your sex life and my body does not exist to fulfill your sexual fantasies and desires.


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