It's hard to know what that aching feeling in your chest is when everything is going well... I discovered by writing this that I needed a purpose, a role to take on, I needed to do something that mattered to me. I couldn't just sit by and keep trying to tell myself that life was going great when it really wasn't. I thought long and hard and finally figured out what I needed.
When early Christians came to areas with paganism as its main spirituality they were dead set on converting everyone from their pagan ways. There are many holidays in the pagan calendar and they were a big part of the culture. So to try to make these holidays fit with Christianity, they took them and made their own story to go along with the day. Since then, the original holidays have been lost and no one really knows the true origins of our beloved holidays. “Christ’s mass” is never mentioned in the Bible, nor any other holidays. Our traditions all have pagan roots.